If you really care about anything Lebron James does, professional basketball or professional sports in general, you can go right ahead and suck th’ th’ these nuts. This country’s obsession, excuse me, the world’s obsession with professional athletes is a testament to the need for mass ethnic cleansing. I’m not talking about any one race, religion, sexual preference or nationality, I’m simply talking a hate for a particular mindset. That mindset that causes mentally retarded people to riot due to the score of some useless game. Take the overwhelming love you have for your hometown team and shove it right up your ass. And your fantasy football team, shove that right up your fat cunt. That goes for you too Bryant Gumbel, you milano turd.
I’m seriously considering learning charcuterie. When it comes to life there are two undeniable facts, one, you will die. Two, before then, you will eat. I know many people like to claim taxes, but I’ve proven that wrong for 8 years now. I love food. I love great food. I love preparing food, eating food, sharing food, experiencing new foods; But working as a chef doesn’t really appeal to me. While there are exceptions, the vast number of American chefs are complete douche bags. Plus with the popularization of various cooking shows, the culinary world has become swamped with former meth addicts and near retarded college drop outs flocking to the culinary arts as a second chance. It’s become as cheap as Dental Assisting or Welding. But there are still untouched waters, where the brave dare to venture. Charcuterie is one such world. I think if I could learn, make a great patte and set up shop somewhere, I’d be happy with that.
“STEPHEN!… JUST COMING!”
I really have no intention of turning “Famous Anthony’s Salmon and Seafood Paste” into a cigar themed blog. After spending the last 7 years of my adult life working in cigar retail, hosting herfs and being fired as a sales rep, I’ve pissed off enough people within the industry, without telling you a cigar sucks. However, if I do smoke a cigar that I find particularly enjoyable, I will recommend it here. I will also try to focus on cigars in the $4 – $10 range, and not cigars that are seasonal, limited edition or anyother such nonsense. There are plenty of shitty sites out there where you can hear what some fat shmuck thinks about Pepin’s newest $12 limited reserva circle jerk cigar that is no better than his original El Rey De Los Habanos red label bundle cigar that was $5, before the old man boxed it and it became $7. See… that’s why I’m not doing full reviews.
However, if you are looking for cigar news and reviews, there are only two sites I recommend. http://puffingcigars.com A site hosted by a swaggerly young man after my own heart, Rob. Not one to pull punches and not a whore to any particular company or maker. His site is an asset to any REAL cigar smoker. (Also he sent me a great bomb.)
AND, http://www.stogieguys.com A good site with great reviews and to the point breakdowns, not filled with overly cluttered tasting notes. I also enjoy the site’s Friday Sampler, filled with news from around the industry.
So, with that out of the way, just know if you ask me what “rating” I gave a cigar, I will come to your home and punch you in the cunt in front of your parents.
UNTIL NEXT TIME!
I’m a fan of El Titan De Bronze Cigars. The Sungrown Redemption, the Maduro Redemption, The Gold, The Reserva Cameroon, even Kevin Silo’s private label “Sudeste” are all very enjoyable cigars. In fact, at a mere $6.10 a piece the El Titan De Bronze Sungrown Redemption toro is one of my favorite everyday smokes. I also really like the El Titan De Bronze logo. The crossing machetes, the draping tobacco leaves. It’s a very strong emblem. Thus, I did a quick internet search for El Titan De Bronze tee shirts… I actually don’t wear many tee shirts, but under a sports coat, it can be quite the stylish effect. I didn’t find any El Titan De Bronze tee shirts, but I did find this…
You know, I’m not a homophobe by any means. In fact, it’s quite the opposite, should you walk down the streets of any gay neighborhood in America, and ask a barista, “What do YOU think of JNB Cigars?” He or she, will be quick to point out “JNB Cigars is a friend to the gay community.”
But come on. Seriously. The shirt comes from a site called Mann Up Cigars. Seeing the URL, I assumed this was a site for like minded heterosexual cigar smoking men. Maybe for guys who like fist fightin’ and whiskey drinkin’. I was wrong. Mann Up Cigars in an online cigar store that specifically caters to ”Bears”. Not dancing bears, not wrestling bears, not DA’ Bears, not Yogi Bear, Not grizzly bears… but THOSE bears. The barell chested, big gutted, leather clad variety. I guess everyone needs a place to call their own, but that’s a very specific market to target. “If you’re a homosexual male between 35 and 55, weighting between 230 and 330lbs, enjoy wearing leather assless chaps and smoking cigars, then we have exciting news for you!” As if the internet cigar world wasn’t full of enough weirdos who’ve never slept with a woman. Also, the internet cigar market place is dominated by one site, with a couple of stragglers. Alienating yourself from the average white collar, republican homophobe or acne ridden, overweight blogger doesn’t make great business sense, But what do I know? I only own like three ties.
On the subject of bears, here’s a poem that I enjoy…
They’re powerful. Me too.
WITH KITTEN KISSES!!!
Or vomit. That I have to clean up. It looks like Chef Boyardee.
…The one eyed man is king. But the man with 20/20 vision is God. Welcome to my world… or atleast the world of my employment. I prefer not to name my workplace by name, or it’s location, or what it is we do there, for that matter. A sense of superiority seems to engulf me as I clock in and walk amongst the cave people. I listen to their simple conversations, watch them devour processed fast foods and I have to admit… it makes me feel pretty good about myself. I have more to say on this matter, but this is an introductory entry, so I’ll leave some calamari on this plate.
